Fuck Nick Swisher.

I'm sorry, I think you mean multiple-time Ford C. Frick Award finalist, two-time Illinois Sportscaster of the Year and 5-time Emmy winner Hawk Harrelson.

No.

Reached for comment, the embarrassed baboon replied "boy is my ass red."

My favorite part was in the first half when the Bears scored four touchdowns on four consecutive downs and only got credit for one.

Holy shit, Drew's right!

Not as good as the new Matt Harvey T.

Jets Fan Returns to Studio Apartment, Immediately Suspended from Ceiling Fan

Conversely, Adam Dunn finally received his driver's license with a "C" restriction for being legally blind.

Sure. Here you go.

The only apt description of Puig's throwing arm:

Nothing says "Super Bowl Shuffle" like your new head coach once being an obscure 30 Rock punchline.

It always made sense to me why pitchers would use PEDs. It's a huge benefit to recovery time between starts/appearances and during weight training, it can help build muscle, which can help increase velocity on pitches. If you're a middling reliever or starter and you add a couple mph to your fastball, you can make a…