Today I got my tax return and promptly bought a dog DNA kit.

Better than people for sure.

I know, right? It smells so good in here.

Mark ungreyed me when I drunkenly commented on his farewell post. It is pretty random.

HELLO STRIPEY BABY.

I fucking MOPPED.

I had two sets of plans today and BOTH my friends bailed on me. The worst part is that I was mildly hungover and planned my day around these friends, when I really just wanted to drink a caesar* and watch movies with my dog. Friends are so overrated. Now I’m drinking wine and watching House of Cards with my dog.

I have great vision and I can’t stand American money. I think I’m flush and then it’s all ones!

What? Who sleeps in a wig?

Has anyone else been watching American Crime Story? Because they are definitely, definitely making it more about the Kardashians than it needs to be. Is it REALLY inegral to the plot for Kris to shout ‘Khloe! Rob! Stop fighting’ in the middle of a conversation about Anna Nicole’s death? No, no it is not.

I’d be pissed if someone took photos of me at a bar. Unless I were used to it, or had reason to expect it...like a celebrity?

If anyone but ‘famously goofy’ Bill Murray did this the headline would be ‘Asshole destroys $800 phones belonging to people who have a lot less money than him.’ I would be so pissed.

Good for them, but isn’t Florence Henderson extremely traditional and religious? I’m basing this entirely on season of The Surreal Life (so good) when she was very judgy about the drinking and sexing going on in the house.

Thank you for your strength.

Me too, I like it! It’s a totally average balm, quality-wise.

Pinned: style inspiration.

You must be Canadian! But Tim’s coffee is gross.

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS. THEY VOTED TO KEEP IT. It’s 2016 and that is their town seal. Holy shit.

We were. We were the coolest girls alive.