I really hope the next paragraph looked something like this:

Hahah I know right?! “I place great value on my anonymity,” says Alec, 44, social security number 123-45-6789, single, always drinks one beer too many, loves dick jokes, great dad, avid hiker. “Our anonymity is very important to us.”

Needs an option where you just binge watch netflix with the demons until you all fall asleep then wake up at 2am and go to dennys. That would be sexy as fuck.

Where is the option to have them participate in a Battle Orgy where the one that remains conscious earns the right to mate with the human for a night? Then they have to battle again the following nights, provided they don’t follow standard sex demon rules (one-night stand actually means final-night stand).

I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that the people quoted have the last name Nfinger.

I’m guessing that the people who left weren’t fans and only bought tickets because she is popular. It doesn’t surprise me that low information show attendees are also low information voters.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that there is an intersection of Amy Schumer fans and Trump voters.

Serial lier but what if he was telling the truth. Then ask yourself why a 17 year old who arranged underage boys for rich people sex parties was sitting in first class next to Trump and did he know Jeffrey Epstein?

I too like to announce my stalkerish wedding plans to a strange teenagers since they are known collectively as gentle and caring listeners.

This dude sounds like he’s just making up shit. Ah, yes, I generally like to profess my marriage plans to whoever is sitting near me on an airplane whenever the object of my affections is in the wizz-palace. Sounds totally normal! And then, my eyes roll so hard I injure something. One pops out, or something. Idk.

Yeah, Clinton people have to remember that a vote not-for-Trump is not automatically a vote for Clinton.

Great idea. I think I’ll write in “Some random pussy.”

🙄

YOU STOP THAT

Melania wasn’t throwing shade; she still fully supports her husband.

Like, he literally said something to the effect of “I don’t know if you’re actually complimenting me or not...” lol The whole thing was a hilarious mindfuck she played on the entire family.

THANK YOU for including the Hillary Clinton one. People seemed to be so confused thinking she actually/genuinely complimented his children. Like, no. They were her props in that moment. She knew it; they knew it; we knew it; the audience (who chuckled) knew it. Hell, people not even yet born knew what she meant.

The number of cookies I have given my husband over the last week for NOT being a rape sympathizer is... surprising and a little disappointing...

I get the feeling that if you want Trump to consider you a quality lay, you’ve got to keep telling him that he’s bigger than his father.

Must be why he’s so into Ivanka, he knows the ones with the wreck of a father are the best lay.