One of my first clients as a consultant was an autism care and research center, and I thought one of the toughest parts of their website was their FAQ page featuring "What Causes Autism?" and a very long explanation that amounted to "Nobody knows. That's what we're here to find out."

I am a very white man, and in high school two of my friends (one black, one Dominican) mocked me for being afraid to say the n-word, which they suggested was an outcropping of my extreme whiteness. So I went ahead and said it to prove I could say it in at least a clinical sense. Immediately they were like, "oh, you…

Anger leads to good ol' fashioned street brawls, like the one in the aptly named The Quiet Man where John Wayne and another man beat each other up until they're friends.

"I got a filthy bagel for my birthday."

I'm feeling starved for sex again, mostly because it's been a couple of nights in a row where my girlfriend (who I want to call "Mr. Bun v2.0" but I think that will confuse people) and I have mistimed climbing into bed, Sunday because her gaming group ran long and she was tired and Monday because I was up later than…

I would happily think of you as a dull fellow who cares deeply for his wife and child. This is a great loss to our Society.

Surely Jimmy Stewart's entire body of performance has definitively disproved that men are logical.

…but I'm in here tonight, for once, in a long time…

That makes no sense; a Jew would know best of all not to eat filthy bagels, and instead choose clean ones.

Whaaaat? That's the most absurd thinking I've heard since the claim that a woman who'd had anal sex but no vaginal penetration was still technically a virgin.

Bartenders can't unilaterally ban customers, can they?

Man, The Bartender would make a great romantic lead with a heel turn to villain. That's something severely lacking from the half-hour network sitcom: build a guy up as being something cool, then blow it up and make him into a crazy dickhead further along.

True enough, but (and I failed to include this in my post originally, but just edited it in now, even though it was the reason for the post, I just got distracted by the second paragraph) it's usually a suggestion for people in the relationship that's being harmed, not for the sidepiece.

Rather than organizing the "EXPERIENCE" section by chronology, you call it "RELEVANT EXPERIENCE" and order that by chronology and then include more recent experience under "OTHER EXPERIENCE"

I will say that Dan is mostly a consistent proponent of people in the relationship cheating, and usually when they have few other options, but not a proponent of outside forces serving as an enabler.

Fuck, I was really pulling for Activist Boy.

I'd always assumed Alabama was one of those places, like Iran, that had no gay men.

THUNDER GUN!

Stupid actors wanting to be the face of a big-budget franchise where the leads generally hold down an average of four films.

Boy, time has really changed things, because from what I remember, the shootout was pretty much the midpoint. It ended with a tense negotiation between four nutjobs, the FBI, and the Nevada Assemblywoman who made a Christmas card wherein her entire family was packing heat.