To be fair, this whole incident escalated due to a few missed periods.

Dear Tough Love,

How can you tell. Have you ever seen them together?

Well, that’s just like, your opinion, man.

I got Windows ME to run glitch free for nearly two-weeks.

I think you are massively naive if you think that implementing a new government apparatus will result in the elimination of whole sections of the government.

What if we don’t have any packaged romaine? Should we buy some and chuck it, just to be safe?

get me some new rims with that free money!

If a scientist were to design a product from scratch specifically designed to transfer potatoes, they’d end up with BBQ tongs.

If a scientist were to design a product from scratch specifically designed to transfer potatoes, they’d end up with…

Pro Pro Tip: Wait for eveyone else to disembark and then ask the flight crew if they had any leftover pretzels when you’re leaving. The galley gets restocked, and you can enjoy the free pretzels with your 5-martini lunch.

mcdonalds. 20 piece nuggets and as many szechuan sauce as the manager will allow.

If we don’t let the rich literally steal everything that isn’t nailed down, the terrorists win.

It can even work in Blockquotes.

Feel better about yourself now, Captain Hindsight?

I’ll save you all time:

try Popeyes instead

My phone’s telling me that I have 440 unread work emails and 200 unread gmail emails. This doesn’t make me feel stressed at all.

I set up a rule to send all of my child support emails to the junk folder. Now I never worry about it!

Everyone drinking vodka & soda ... try switching to (good) gin and soda. You'll be happier for it.