You’d think someone with a giant ass and infinite wealth would be better at picking out baked goods

A-Rod just wanted someone else to eat the outside of the cake first, since he only prefers the centaur pieces.

he follows his sister’s advice and visits a therapist who encourages him to replace the alcohol abuse with sex

How many more have to die before we finally do something about Sean Penn?

No, that’s not right. The Knicks were perfectly in their rights to turn down the offer Lin got from the Rockets, especially since they were catering to Melo’s egotistical whims as Team Face Leader of the Madison Square Garden ™ Franchise©.

The hunger-ravaged, wandering spirit of Christopher McCandles haunts the wilds where he perished. He spares the traveler who offers up portions of his granola. He kills the ones that don’t have the kind with M&Ms.

Carmelo was kind of a cranky dick to him, but otherwise I don’t think the Knicks really fucked up too badly (with Lin - they can be blamed heavily for almost everything else). He had a meniscus tear and missed the end of that season just 25 games into “Linsanity,” during which he’d already come back to earth a bit.…

Because Carmelo Anthony is a delusion diva and James Dolan is a fucking idiot.

I remember when Lin blew up a few years ago. What I don’t remember clearly is why either the team or coach pulled the rug out from under him when he was hot.

Yeah, his story shares a lot with John Allen Chau’s, the young man whose Outside Mag profile Deadspin promoted the other day.

Alaska is pretty easy to get killed in if you go in with certain personal attributes.  

Crossing a surging river around midnight. What could go wrong?

That bus is a sad monument to a sad story.

No matter how much of that stuff he takes I don’t think he’ll ever get pregnant

I can understand something like this happening to a Kaleigh Gilchrist or a Paige Hauschild. But how, for the love of God, can parents name their child “Johnny Hooper” and then let his sport of choice become water polo.

The Stampeders are fine, but I like turtles.

Call me when someone decides to wear this facepaint

The Joker can only play in the CFL since the part around the mouth requires rouge.

Honestly mildly surprised Ballmer doesn’t call himself “Ballz”

I’d be chill too if I was worth $50b. What’s James Dolan and Jeanie Buss going to do to Ballmer? As rich as Dolan is Ballmer could buy him with his loose couch  money. He could buy MSG Corp and set fire to all the assets and it would have an immaterial impact to his net worth.