Alaia. I correct you only because Cher would insist on it.

I'm badass and not to be fucked with, from Dangerous Liaisons. So you think this would be okay at a job interview?

I think you should send her a "Thank you for including me in your wedding" note, with a sweet reminder that she owes half airfare.

And handfuls of perfectly shaped river rocks.

That's why they usually put a lightbulb in there and not a glass.

You are so right. Why don't they just adapt that series set in the Chesapeake Bay and call it a day?

Yes, precisely! What do you have to offer me to make you worth my precious limited time and energy? I know what I have to offer a man and he sure as hell better have just as much to bring to the relationship.

I would just like to date, period.

I was once at trivia night at a bar and watched a women rearrange chairs to have her 6 year old daughter go to sleep on the (fucking disgusting) floor under their table. You know, because it was 1am and her kid was exhausted. And yes, I called the cops. No, dont regret it.

You know, rarely do I feel the need to ask for a different table then the one I've been given. Maybe I'll ask to be near the windows if the place isn't crowded, but I can't imagine what could be so wrong with 4 different tables in one restaurant.

I suspect there are different levels of it but that doesn't mean it's bullshit.

Good job stigmatizing people with mental illnesses, fuckwit.

Both Roseanne AND The Cosby Show had terrible final seasons that should be deleted from the archives.

I love that you include Roseanne in this mix. People don't put her in the same category with other great TV moms, but SHE was out there busting her ass in any demeaning job she could get, sometimes two at a time, to make ends meet. Living in a town that didn't offer their kids a lot of options, but clearly loved them…

I'm a white woman but I always loved watching their egalitarian family growing up. Both of my parents had working class jobs and split household/parenting duties. Watching the Huxtables was like watching the educated, upper-middle class version of my parents, which is what I wanted to be! Love taking a moment now to…

Once you're a mother— and you'll never get this until you push a bowling ball out of your cooter— but once you're a mother, you will not think anything to do with babies is ever funny ever. You will only cherish their little lives and not be such a dark, sadistic, vile Cruella De Ville monster as you are.

YEAH, CAITLIN DOUGHTY! (This is not a super appropriate response to this piece, but I just love her so much, I can't help it.)

I know you're right about the fear from the outside. However, in this one particular instance I seriously doubt my teen would be traumatized by our favorite flippancy followed by a lot of hugging and laughter and pizza.

I know that I'm not completely innocent of being an asshole about not having kids, but I try not to be. I think for a lot of us, we just feel like we have to push back in a sense - like make it clear that we're happy with our choices. I know for a fact that I am never having children besides my stepdaughter, but I am…

Bless your heart.