This reminds me of that time I got paint in my hair and my dad put me in the wheelbarrow, told me to close my eyes, and washed my hair with gasoline.

He’s also about 5’6” and rolls with a big posse of people dressed better than him. He’s like the King of Zamunda, if Zamunda’s national seal was a deep fryer supported by a chili dog at dexter and plate of nachos at sinister.

Ever since starting the Cream and the Clear, Barry wins way more tickle fights.

This accident has given Timmie’s a great opportunity for a redesign.

Translation: Bill Cosby, noted bad person, still made history before he was widely known to be a bad person.

Have the Phillies offered her a contract yet?

This is the first time in history that a human has taken a stick into the waters off Nantucket for a purpose other than killing a whale.*

You know why they’re doing this kind of focus group work on Hillary and not Bernie? Because every Republican knows all they have to do if Bernie gets the nod is put up a picture of him with “I am a socialist” in big bold letters, and the uneducated portion of the electorate will run like hell. The percentage of the…

They have a pair too, just not the same pair.

You are correct — rumors of her demise to the contrary. She was (and is) very much alive when they were sold as part of her collection back in 2011.

Most insurance companies are pretty fussy about writing million-dollar policies on collectibles, including those housed in institutions. They’d need a third party appraisal (third party does not necessarily mean objective, mind you) and most insurers will do due diligence on the security surrounding the object — i.e.…

If you think that’s bad, you should meet his colleague from Judea, Biggus Dickus.

Pretty sure that’s the Pledge Olympics at Alpha Epsilon Feline.

We all do need to work more hours … making sure that dickheads like this don’t have the power to make rules that negatively affect people he’ll never give a half a shit about.

Auctions. Buy good old stuff (art, furniture, even knick-knacky bullshit and kitchenware) at a fraction of what good new stuff that’s not quite as good would cost. It shows visitors personality and panache that you were resourceful enough to find the auctions in the area and ballsy enough to buy there. You’ll get…

Time to start applying for mall Santa jobs before all the good ones are taken.

What will be the bigger lawsuit: JPJ for violating his contract or the hospital for violating HIPAA?

Ever seen the business card for an early 18th century “male midwife?” What’s that, you haven’t? Come on!

I’m sure the NYSE crashing the same day is just a quincedence.