Shep Smith: “Can we stop talking about the blowjob thing already?” 

“This story of Rooney, a famous WAG, going fishing for a clout shark she suspected of secretly selling info culled from her private Instagram account...” is a sentence that would confuse the shit out of anyone who just woke up from a 15-year coma. 

TFW the guy who wrote your autobiography for you now says it should have been titled “The Sociopath”...

It’s funny that in response to severe fire danger PG&E is shutting down power and forcing everyone to light fires.

The supermarket was full at 10pm with people trying to figure out what to buy. If anything this taught us that we as a species will never, ever prepare sufficiently for the effects of climate change.  We’ll want to wait til the sea levels are up 10 feet and then will think to go to the store to pick up some survival…

“Here’s a subpoena. See you in court.”

Read the document.  It’s only because they think Congress is doing everything wrong in the process of letting them tell their side of the story.  If Congress was doing everything right, which means NO IMPEACHMENT, then of course they’d go testify. 

Unless I’m misunderstanding you, it doesn’t go to SCOTUS but to the Senate, with Chief Justice Roberts presiding.

I would love the Sunday talk shows to press Trump’s talking heads on a particular question: What is the corruption they are alleging that Joe and/or Hunter Biden engaged in? It’s just another HER EMAILS!! all over again — they have no specific allegations beyond the notion that SOMETHING HAPPENED and that nobody knows…

Supposedly Erdogan was all pissed about Trump not giving him an in-person meeting at some point, and Trump just wanted to get him off the phone so asked if he wanted to invade Syria instead.  And scheduled an in-person meeting.  Trump is literally the worst negotiator in the history of the world. 

I don’t know why this is a big deal.  In America when you cheat your lawyers you get elected president. 

She never had $4.5 billion.

Among the few good things about being on the other side of 50: knowing I’ll never do anything liket ever again.

I’m sold, and just checked out westcoastshaving. In their “top 10 safety razors” section is one that costs $185. I have a hard time believing that’s in their top sellers. I guess it gives back massages too.

If you ever cut yourself shaving, stop with the toilet paper bits and get yourself an alum stone, right now. Costs like five bucks and it’s sort of a miracle, like nature’s styptic pencil — stops bleeding from little cuts and goes on clear. Get one.

“....is that nobody is actually a fan of ESPN or Sports Illustrated. They’re a fan of the New York Giants...”

Probably too late if you’re reading this comment, but this review contains spoilers. 

I know, it seems absurd to even consider the possibility. 

The half of the staff who were laid off were the half that didn’t work on the Swimsuit Issue. 

How funny is it that Rudy has turned out to be not just a raving partisan but the worst lawyer anyone can imagine? He goes to the press or on TV and blabs about EVERYTHING. Then he brags that he has texts that will exonerate him from whatever he’s saying wasn’t a problem anyway. Seems pretty clear that Trump keeps him…