Jesus Christ who said anything about partners, for fucks sake? Can’t a woman just ride the dick for a minute and go?

I’ve been waiting to hear what that rancid sun ripened pile of discarded popeye’s chicken skin was going to say all day. And it’s about what I expected.

Good news! The parts of Alexander Hamilton’s life that involved radical Islam and FBI surveillance have been cut from the play as well.

Oh FUCK OFF with this DV shit. Bernie-or-busters are not abused women. They are first-time voters who want everything they want, right now, because revolution.

You...you know Paul Ryan’s not running, right? Anti-women “It’s hard to be a ten if you’re flat chested, women are pigs, Mexicans and Muslims don’t like me” Donald Trump is running.

This is super hilarious, because “I guess I’m with” is the majority of people the majority of elections.

Normally the nomination of a woman for a national party ticket would get a full throated YAZ KWEEEN! from me, but the woman being Hillary, I shall merely golf clap and whisper a polite Yes Queen.

#ImWithHerAgainstMyWillBecauseThereAreNoOtherViableOptions

I’ll probably get called a troll for this, or be doomed to the grays, but here goes: the clock is real, kinda. Problem is that we don’t know how to figure out what an individual woman’s clock looks like.

Ceci n’est pas une horloge.

Gwynnie,

Near as I can figure this is what’s really going on:

When I was a kid my dad had a special tea for colds that only he was allowed to take when he was sick. When I got older I realized the special tea was warm whiskey stirred with rock candy. He wasn’t actually feeling better he was just buzzed.

The kid was being given fluids through an eye dropper after a week. At that point, it should have been blatantly obvious he needed to go to the hospital, if not days before that.

I had meningitis as a 24-year-old young woman. It was some of the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I needed hospitalization after only 3 days at home. It was excruciating, I couldn’t even keep water down. And I was an adult. I am frightened to think how pathetically ill this poor baby was after only a few days,…

Haha my moms was Benedryl. Oh, you're sneezy? It's allergies, take a Benedryl. Oh, your arm fell off? It's allergies, take a Benedryl.

As a father of 2, I simply can not process this. Two and a half weeks?! TWO AND A HALF FUCKING WEEKS?!

My daughter had a vaccine a few months ago. Everything was fine that afternoon, but that evening she stopped breathing. I had to perform CPR. She’s okay now, but it was a terrifying, life-threatening reaction.

HOWEVER. I know that eschewing the medical community would be far more likely to be a threat to her health.…

Right? I want to call my Dad and be like ‘thank you for telling me everyday, especially by actions and not even words, that I could do absolutely anything I wanted and you would always stand behind me!” Thankfully, last year for his birthday I wrote him a long letter about that, and what a wonderful husband he is to…