Here's a statement from the venue's manager, which puts everything into perspective:

Too much CO2. I would recommend recycling them into toilet paper.

It's a sad state of affairs that if the Dems want to block anything in the senate, they'll basically have to appeal to McCain's sense of decency. After him and Collins, there really is no one else who I can imagine that will even consider stepping up to the plate.

Yeah, but without the ACA, who will be able to afford it?

I though the comedians would love him since the jokes basically write themselves. I envision a golden age for the talk show business. One that shall never end.

Nah, what you really need is two heads for dual-motorboating.

Could it be the jokes were just too subtle?

Oh yeah, he was certainly pushing her pram a lot, if you know what I mean.

The tallow is what makes them so tasty, though.

No, you need Yuge, gold-plated, TRUMP-emblazoned bracelets!

Yeah, Trump has made misogyny great again!

Dancing just became so boring once OSHA got involved.

Wasn't there talk of Obama declaring Sharia law and naming himself King of Usa or something? He really ought to hurry up with that.

I'm a professional, so I have a Masturbation C.V.

That's our word! You don't get to use it!

You don't need a gun to get out of the country. In fact, that may actually hamper you at the border.

Hmmm, what does the Constitution say about flag-shooting?

While perusing the AV Club, I found a little, shall I say, flick, starring a one miss Dolly Parton. Meow! Yeah, it seems she made a racy film where she plays the town trollop.

Transformers: Mark of the Dune

Yeah, I doubt I'd ever become vegetarian, but whenever I see my daughters eating meat, it makes me feel sad that I'm raising them this way. Like you can see when they realize they're eating something that used to be an animal, something starts spinning in their head, they know something about it isn't quite right, but…