I present: one of my favorite images of all time.

His stylist is a crackpot, cholos have been rocking the long tee for decades. Cholos get no kudos.

Our male dog will lick at our female dog’s vaginal area and then do a sniffy-huff thing like he’s a wine taster. We call that “cooter huffing.”

Nice Celebrity III: James Garner chatted my mom up at a bar when she was in college! He came up to her, took a swig of her beer, and was charming without being creepy.

Nice Celebrity II: James Garner once apologized for almost flattening me with a golf cart. P.S. I’m old. P.P.S. Google young James Garner, he was a total hunk. P.P.P.S. Only olds say “hunk.”

You don’t have to defend that! Fuck anyone who would judge it.

Didn’t even think about a “lazy millennial” comment. This is a legit reason to be late to work. (33 year old, here). I’m all about your priorities.

I’ve gone to work late because it was on HBO at like five in the morning.

I “met” Julia Stiles at a super dive bar in the east village once, around a dozen years ago. I yelled at her for putting her coat on the booth I was waiting to claim. She was so freaking nice! I apologized (as I would have done with anyone) and she was totally cool with my crazy drunkenness at 21 years old. I’m…

Hopefully not down there. That’s never good.

Just want to say you really want to avoid the slow clap. It’s known to be antibiotic resistant.

“My go-to moisturizer for my front-vulva is La Vag Luminesse. If I could bathe in this, I would! It’s really expensive but I got a sample sent to me at work, and I’ve been addicted ever since. It’s the same texture and pH as actual vaginal secretions and smells like them, too, so you don’t end up feeling all “made up”…

“If you can’t find anything plucked from a field in the Loire valley and dried in the Mediterranean sun, store-bought will do.”

Why aren’t there any links to the products? This is the worse sponsored ad ever.

I’m gonna give it up for this whole section:

I just use the Cooter line from Walmart. I think their liner in RimJob is almost an exact dupe for Mars Van Vooter’s Liquid Canvass.

This is where I completely lost it: “I’ve been going to the same perineum guy for four years”

I constantly have to shut down requests to open an artisinal bakery down there.

Juicy Couture has been my secret go-to for ridiculously cute, well made clothes for awhile now. Look away from the tracksuits and wait for sales. Their silk blouses and wrap dresses are where it’s at! Fun prints, natural fibers, and they pay attention to detail on buttons, trim, and nice sturdy zippers.