Ah, yes. Thank you, omniscient being, for finally explaining the truth of restaurants to us. As someone who has worked in all restaurants and seen all the possible scenarios, thank you SO MUCH for breaking it down to two possible reasons:

“Is it tacky to bring my own Tupperware for leftovers?”

Please tell me you’re joking.

Q. How did Courtney Love beat Coffeehouse security?

The real wtf is that someone has a loan on a 28 year old Civic DX.

Her commitment to that horrible hairstyle is almost admirable.

It’s like people can do and say some good AND some bad stuff. I know, weird, right?

“a paraplegic security guard” - I don’t know how to say this without being a dick, but, uhhh, odd choice for a security guard.

Let’s see you try to kick a ball through all them poles.

A good go at it? Your input?

World, meet Renton. ........Run.....

I want him to join the parade of aging QBs who have dropped into Minnesota for one last, failed title run.

Your take is bad and you should feel bad.

He should look at the nearest fuel stations - odds are they’re an Oregonian and haven’t figured out how to use the gas pump yet.

Finding a specific Subaru in Portland. This should be fun.

Dominik Hašek :-(

This is about the worst pandering crap that he could have come up with.

I hope this performance is a hellish dumpster fire that completely flattens this asshole’s career.

My nephews, Easton and Weston, would like you to know it could get a shitload worse.