I will never be in HD anything, but you bet your ass I buy it. Granted I've been using anti-wrinkle creams since I was 12, but in my mind it's like getting the bleh Tide or the Tide with Febreze. Upgrade!

It’s absolutely awesome. Roll out of bed and onto the couch for the ENTIRE day, because it’s football Sunday.

It only those outfits had One Direction.

It’s my absolute last resort. And I certainly don’t take any longer than necessary luxuriating in being able to move my elbows more than three millimeters.

I'm ashamed that I know this, but I believe Paris Hilton had one as a pet. The important take away here is that THEY CAN BE PETS.

I kind of get the trump people because they're all unhinged but Smashmouth apologists? I want off this ride.

I’m not 100% sure, but I think it’s at Kmart. Which is remarkably fitting.

Every. Time. It definitely does make for some amusing headlines.

Right? It’s just such a bizarre sentence! Like he was picking random words out of a box or something. I bet he’s TERRIBLE at Cards Against Humanity.

I am doing these very things as we speak. Got my gatorade, egg and sausage sandwich and ibuprofen. Imagine my delight to open my browser and have this be the first article that shows up! :)

This is why we drink on weeknights. That guy.

Macklemore.

I did the math (not my forte, so I may be wrong) and it works out to be about $382 per week. That’s less than kenneling them. If you were to take any spending over a 6 year period, it’s going to look ridiculous as a lump sum without connotation.

The whole thing is stroke-worthy.

First beer was at about 4-5 with my grandpa. He hid his PBR in the garbage cans full of sunflower seeds he kept in the garage so my grandma wouldn’t find out. Tasted awful, still does, still drinking it.

This is pretty much my favorite part of every match.

Why does their relationship remind me of the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes “We’re in LOOOVE” world tour?? Also, she’s insufferable.

Counterpoint: I’m eating in because I actually don’t want to eat out with anybody.

Fucking Open Table.

I’ve started referring to myself as “we” when the pizza guy comes.