more like this guy!

I HATE CHARMIN ADS OMG

I never fart in front of a loved one period. I hold it in like a lady

Husband and I don’t fart around each other. My parents didn’t either, and I prefer it that way. Maintains some mystery.

Everyone’s delicate sensibilities would be far, far too offended.

The cops actually told me that of a cell phone, when a dude grabbed it from inside my car from my hands (I was the passenger). I was like, thanks a lot cop.

*starred for the greatest television program of all time

“If you want to, for your own-self-empowerment, take personal responsibility because you feel like you need to for something you did, that is one thing,” she adds. “But you don’t get to make that statement for everybody else.”

Your leg was clearly begging for it

When I do go into that “dark night” it’ll probably from head trauma sustained by dropping my Kindle on my face.

she was sexting with family friend

I did not know that. I was always chewing on them as a kid and my mom would start with “One day you’re going to swallow one”. I couldn’t even tell her when it happened. (I could probably tell her now, 40 years later?)

should have pretty regular boning.

I know! It’s an embarrassment of embarrassments.

It should not be legal to have Josh Duggar, Bristol Palin, and Rachel Dolezal in the same Dirt Bag. THAT IS TOO MUCH DIRT FOR ONE MEASLY BAG.

Oooh, SUNDAE ;)

I haven’t seen this one, but the favorite comment I saw on Facebook included this line:

omg

You are part of an ancient thing that doesn’t know what it is, and can’t.