“I didn’t sign up to be on a television show”

Hopefully she’s not on anything, she’s a god awful actor.

She was a untalented tv actress on show on a off brand network. Who had one turn in one good movie. I don’t know, why she’s acting like this. Girl, get it together.

Tweet Beats always look messed up on my laptop now. Only a tiny strip of each picture shows up.

I feel like boob sweat is the next thing we’re going to see a shit ton of commercials about.

Farmer tan is from the neck up and maybe the forearms, not the knees down. Farmers wear jeans for a reason, no exceptions. Forcing them to walk a field of alfalfa naked is how Pinhead skins his victims in the Hellraiser films.

I feel like a makeup free episode of the Kardashians is impossible, because it would just be a skull underneath it all.

@mindykalling Michael Scott’s epic hatred of Toby Flenderson was one of the best running gags on the show.

Tennis shoe tan =\= farmer tan. This would never happen to a farmer.

I either imagine this being said by Tyrese Gibson playing a Southern preacher or a chipmunk.

Madeline, I love you, and I can’t think of a time when I haven’t enjoyed what you write.

New chins are so hot right now.

All of the above? I presume this was his inspiration:

I thought Boob Handler was Chelsea’s nickname.

Vulva owner here and I prefer Scott. Marcel is the sandpaper. I think there are actual sticks incorporated in what Marcel calls toilet paper.

Vulva owner here and I prefer Scott. Marcel is the sandpaper. I think there are actual sticks incorporated in what…

A- It DOES NOT feel like sandpaper. I have used it for at least 10 years. I’ve yet to have any abrasions on my asshole.

A- It DOES NOT feel like sandpaper. I have used it for at least 10 years. I’ve yet to have any abrasions on my…

Yes! Team Abrasive FTW! Seriously though, laser-like precision is an excellent way to describe it. I want to know that I'm getting everything and this does the job. Anything else feels like you are just smearing things around and that's not OK.

Yes! Team Abrasive FTW! Seriously though, laser-like precision is an excellent way to describe it. I want to know…

Scott haters have linty assholes. It is known.

Scott haters have linty assholes. It is known.

All I can say is I like Scott over all of those pillowy TPs. It lasts about 2x longer, even if you pull more because it’s thinner, and it’s more precise, like a laser. Very versatile and inexpensive. Scott!

All I can say is I like Scott over all of those pillowy TPs. It lasts about 2x longer, even if you pull more because…