“Stuff Happens”

You know, those pints say 3.5 or 4 servings on them. Some crazy person made that up.

Yeah I was also pretty regularly shat on for my looks, weight etc. by a variety of dudes throughout junior high and high school. I was insanely awkward, overweight, with terrible sinuses and the world’s lowest self-esteem. And yet, the thought never once crossed my mind to get a gun and shoot up the place. Probably…

Jackie O had to straighten her hair too to get a smooth hairstyle. Your mom should have just roller set your hair the way Jackie did.

I’m 47 and still not over the Dorothy Hamill bob cut my mom inflicted on me in the 70’s so she wouldn’t have to deal with my perpetually tangled, curly hair. I STILL won’t cut my hair above my shoulders.

This is what’s wrong with America right here. This. Not Bristol Palin herself, but what she represents — the fact that so many stunningly, proudly pig-ignorant, determinedly undereducated, information-resistant people think they know enough about anything to tell others how they should think and behave.

I am a hater, looking forward to him being the loser.

Before you get on him fortrying to rhyme “penetratin,” you’ve got to understand it was that or trying to rhyme “statuatory,” which is almost impossible to do.

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

You, introduced as his sex worker, gave his eulogy? This is amazing. What did you even say?

My mom did too. But then I realized recently that I’ve completely forgotten where she said the documents were in her house. I’m hoping she lives a very long, healthy life because (aside from the obvious reasons) I can’t think of a tactful way of bringing it up without revealing I forgot something so important.

Damn, she’s on to us! :)

The truly American thing would be to charge for ketchup but give your richer customers loopholes to pay much less for it.

We never had a “don’t eat in the library” rule.

I disagree. I think this bride _should_ confront her friend about the lack of gift, so that the bridesmaid has the opportunity to shit in a box and mail it to her, but that's just me.

They can't. They have already begun the Gollumization process.

oh my gahd. My heart just grew three sizes. My kid is getting a grasp on things like this and I’m going to steal this. So sweet.

Ever notice that the people yelling at others to speak English never have that great a grasp on it themselves?