My atrocious PMS responds extremely well to 3 margaritas. Tried it last night and it worked miracles.

Well, I guess until you hit menopause, your negative emotions DO come out of your uterus fairly regularly. Mine are coming out right now, and I can attest to how fucking negative I feel about the whole situation.

Stop carrying your negative emotions in your uterus and you may have an easier time. Once you push them out you will be able to access your power better. I keep all of my negative emotions in my anus, so I can get rid of them daily.

It’s hard to gin up too much sympathy for the people who buy this stuff. There is plentiful, freely available information showing that Gwyneth and her ilk are completely full of shit. If you’re still falling for it, that’s on you. It’s like joining Scientology and being shocked that it’s a scam.

Jesus Christ. Postnatal depletion? Yeah, every f-ing day as a single parent of a 6 year old. The only thing that seems to help with it is either beer or mirobrews. Fuck Goop. Seriously.

Can I just say, I looooved the huge mesh panties they gave me at the hospital? I actually had a nurse bring me extras to take home and wore them for like 6 weeks. IT’S LIKE WEARING AIR! Mine weren’t really ‘mesh’, more like a super thin stretchy kinda gauze? Whatever they were, I would totally wear them again if they…

So dumping hockey, soccer and college conference-specific coverage. I mean the last one’s a no-brainer. SEC and Longhorn Network are just money grabs, right. They can be cut into their own satellite.

It is a cosmic injustice if Westbrook isn’t crash bandicoot.

I know everyone has opinions on these people, but generally I’m just overall sad about the layoffs. This is a lot of people flooding the market in an industry that’s not exactly thriving.

I would miss Hannah. On my BTATV Scale, she’s a 0.

So will Stephen A. Smith

“Could Tax Reform Under President Trump Actually Help Working Moms?”

Or as Stephen Wright said - “A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, ‘Why were you going so fast?’ I said, ‘I had my foot to the floor? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.”

This worked on my boat when we were gonna get boarded by the coast guard. They approached and saw two 1 yr olds crying their heads off and said ok, have a nice day

Give Ms. McSprinkles a high five from me. Excellent work.

My wife had my favorite, if slightly evil, way to get out of a ticket. We have twin boys who were about 18 moths old at the time. She got pulled over and reached back and pulled their pacifiers out of their mouths. Of course, they both started crying, and the officer let her go.

I got pulled over for speeding. The officer asked me why I was going so fast. I replied, “general stupidity.” She looked confused and said...what? I replied that i was speeding because I was stupid. She started laughing and said good answer. She gave me a warning.

I feel like I was bitch-slapped by nostalgia just looking at those pics of frosted eye shadow. Makes me think of Britney and TRL and teen movies. Ah, good times.