This was me two weeks ago. Damn it. If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here in the corner rocking myself and weeping. RIP Bug. 

Luna, my adorable piece of shit St. Bernard who passed away this spring, sees your shedding and raises it a couple more dogs.

Damn. That destroyed me. I miss my best friend so much.

R.I.P. Zelda you were an enormous sweetheart and you sounded like an air-raid siren when left alone for more than thirty seconds.

I’m a woman and a feminist who has been a football fan since I was six, ::cough cough:: years ago. When I found out the Joan Jett original song was “I Hate Myself for Loving You,” I thought “oh, yes. That’s perfect. That’s exactly how I feel about football now.”

I don’t know what to tell you man. Sometimes you have a bag of meat and you just want to eat it.

I legit need an intervention for internet usage. It was bad enough when I just obsessively read sports news a few years ago. Now I’m doubling that up with 24/7 political hate-reading. 

Ironically, he could use some work on his offensive lines.

I haven’t seen a Christian be that racist since the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics.

I can’t recall why it came up but I recently told someone “I would lay down in traffic for Drew Magary.” They seemed so surprised but I was like, “Yeah no Drew is a thoughtful and generous person and I would do anything for him.” Thanks for writing this, Drew, and proving me right. (I love being right!)

You don’t have to set a timer. In fact, don’t check the clock at all. You have a general idea of what five minutes is like.

I’m sorry, this take is nowhere near unreasonable enough for kinja. I demand you retract it and start your next comment with “ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND???”

*Mike drop*

That Jeep looks like it was made by Nerf.

Get busy running, or get busy blocking. You’re damn right.

I read this in the tone of Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption, talking about Andy Dufresne after he had busted out. Really added some gravitas...

you’re a kinja god.

What’s a dad? :(

The Thin Red Line should have won over both.

I'm totally satisfied just looking at screenshots from horror movies.