I was determined to not wear pants today. Not for any superstitious reason, but because I wanted to be a slob and not do anything as strenuous as putting clothes on. And I ate four bowls of cereal because a) no cooking required, and b) the milk will expire tomorrow and I needed to use it up. I'll regret the cereal…

You have to have collard greens and black eye peas for prosperity. The greens are for green backs and the peas represent coins. Or at least that's how my South Carolina Low Country family does it.

Playing a game of Duck Duck Goose of sorts with my friends, or is it Musical Chairs... I'm kissing pretty much all the guys at the party, and whomever the goose is, I make out with them at midnight. I think I've got a good tally so far. 11 to be exact.

I will fucking pound your doughy face into a feminist symbol, you sack of shit.