I sleep in a big bed with my wife.

“ $130k isn’t that much.” Well at first I hated the guy in the story. Now I hate you.

Pictured: the author.

It’s not a burrito without the tortilla — you’re just eating a bowl of shit.

burrito bowls are for pussies who “don’t need all those carbs”

Also the whole trying to use anxiety disorder as part of his excuse?! I have an anxiety disorder; it doesn't mean I try to kill my roommates when they get back home late at night and startle me.

This kind of thinking leads up to Nuts and Gum.

“Not on my watch”

“Get a white girl, son. Trust me on this.”

Tells everyone at the office the next day: “it was the most exciting sporting event he’s ever been to”.

Well you could point to game 1 and 2 this year. Prevailing attitude by Ducks fans seems to be that Boudreaux can’t make adjustments.

So, they’re trying to out-Shark the Sharks? Good for them! But at least they do have one Cup to their name.

Ah yes, the St. Louis Blues bandwagon, where fair-weather fans hitch their hopes and dreams every April, and then un-hitch those hopes and dreams later in April.

Orange you glad the Orioles have such a small fan base?