"The models are dressed just like high society women of the pre-Civil War South — if you replaced every one of their items of clothing with a different item of clothing."

I think I'm one of those people...?

There are only 2 things that I would tell my younger self-

Yeah...I also feel like generally teenage girls don't need to be told to count calories, or go into bars with drunk adult men.

Thirteen year olds, go out and hang out with drunk boys? Don't eat potatoes and bread or else you'll get fat (god forbid!)? What is this crock of shit? Feminist author, okaayy suuuure.

Yeah, but — and this is my inner cynic talking — are those girls really her friends? Like, hang out with her outside of school, invite her to spring break, sleep over at her house, friends? If they actually are, I can see reading what happened the same way you do.

Wow. Cool story, bro'd by a Jezebel author. My life is complete.

The person who called the cops in the first place was probably motivated by race but I think the cop handled the situation well. When this story first broke i was expecting a whole different kind of conversation but the cop seemed professional to me. He was called to investigate a potential crime, either…

If anybody needs a superior ass shaking palate cleanser, let me recommend this.

I'm adding "Nantucket Whore" to my list of aspirational positions to be held.

Correct use of apostrophes enhances the beauty of the world.

I have this sick feeling that the public now knows that you can kill something (animal, kid) just by leaving it in a hot car. It's less physically aggressive than shooting/choking/drowning or poisoning. It's a getting to be a goddamned epidemic at this point and it's scary. I've been meaning to put a hammer in my…

Any thoughts on the disgustingly Aryan kid in the Toaster Strudel commercial? Every single time I hear his stupid fake accent my eye twitches and I am tempted to throw out my TS stash.

Retail employee's don't frantically do anything.

So the real way to win Ben Stein's money is to be a hot woman with a sob story. Got it.

How many of you have felt personally victimized by mosquitoes?

Okay normally I find this stuff annoying (sorry I'm awful) but this was actually pretty cute. I love the fact that not only did this groom do this for his bride but his friends participated as well. Cute.

It's giving the people a little respect, and also respecting the laws. Mass graves are illegal, so it is killing two birds with one stone.

It's not like she's going to stop being Katie Couric.