I hope the Cardinals get to the NIT and lose.

Homer? Arigato! Mr. J Votto.

We bet on sports. It’s fun.

Yeah, but that’s true of young adults, the middle aged, and the elderly too.

“In contrast, my other friend with 2 kids keeps asking me to go to Vegas. He’s still fun.”

Just tweet “Please forgive us for our recently-deleted tweet. It was made in error, and we regret it immensely.” People will lose their collective minds trying to scour the web for something that never existed.

Oh I like this. I like this a lot.

Something reasonable but unrealistic (“After a meeting with the commissioners, the NFL has pledged to institute a zero tolerance domestic violence policy with automatic one year suspension and loss of wages”) that they will look terrible when backtracking.

Because I respect his relationship with his family too much. But he is dreamy.

“I did not have sexual relations with that girl”
“I should spend tens of millions of dollars investigating this and try to get this man impeached!”
-Ken Starr 1997

“Did I rape her? I mean...”
“Good enough for me!”
-Ken Starr 2016

I came here to make a Hollywoo joke.

Eh, I mean, the Warriors outscored the Thunder in those games, which tends to be a more reliable indicator of which team did basketball better.

This being Deadspin and all, how much more does it weigh than a 1999 Toyota Corolla with most of the paint still on it?

Forklifts are not to be trifled with. Your run of the mill warehouse fork lift weighs around 9000 lbs. That’s 3000 more than a 4x4 Ford F250.

Look, soccer is just too boring for a guy who has spent 5 hours a day for 30 years debating middle reliever usage in regular season baseball games.

Oh that’s aDORKable! Do they then play an 80s montage where they teach the agents of shield how to be Avengers?

Minnesota Twins - the farm team for actual major league ball clubs.

So it’s inside the solar system...would it hurt to add a sentence saying how far out?

This is not what HDR looks like.