And also he was super nice to Betty White.

Now there’s a mental picture. That would be like Franken bringing a knife to Pence’s Q-tip fight. He’d tear Pence to SHREDS. It would be lovely and popcorn-worthy.

Holy shitballs! My brother-in-law is an electrician and I’m guessing he would have charged $250-ish or less for that. He works for a company that does mostly industrial work, but he also does sidework for friends etc. and generally charges $50-75/hour plus parts. We live in Michigan so I don’t know if there are…

Gas (switching from electric), even though I hate gas stoves. Then the husband pointed out to me that even when I AM home, I cook MAYBE 5% of the meals, and those are generally things like grilled cheese or macaroni & cheese. I’m a really terrible cook, and I also hate it. I get bored and wander off and end up…

We bought a new stove a few weeks ago, and I was planning to pull the old one out and clean under it before they delivered the new one - but totally flaked on it. Then they delivered it unexpectedly four days early on a Thursday when of course I wasn’t home (because I’ve been working a project out of state Monday…

Have you guys ever noticed, though....in my life, I’ll bet I’ve purchased 42,575 bobby pins, 23,850 plastic hair clips (large and small), and 127,940 hair elastics. Right now, I could lay my hands on a grand total of a combined thirty of those things. Where the fuck do they GO? (I mean, I’m in a hotel room 500 miles…

Hey, I met the same lady a couple of weeks ago! I have shoulder length curly hair - think “poodle.” It’s either down and insane, or up and wrangled with hardware. Once it’s up, it’s UP. It took me five minutes to get the clips/pins out, and once she decided I wasn’t smuggling a bomb in my hair a la Quirrell/Voldemort,…

They just look miserable.

Of course not. She can probably speak 3 of those languages like my husband speaks German - if your friend Monica needs to play her violin in a boat (or in the living room), he can totally help you out. Otherwise, you’re screwed.

No, not that I’ve ever heard, and the the few people I’ve challenged for proof on Twitter - because I’m STUPID - have no proof other than things like “libtard” etc. And then I have to drink a lot and I’m actually too old to go to work hungover, and also I’m fond of my liver so it’s just not. fucking. worth. it.

Yes, because according to the Twitter alt-right, at least, Mrs. O would definitely have done that on a state visit to Israel.

I WAS eating. Now I have half a sandwich and a Chobani that are up for bids.

We have a crazy old lady that walks down our road (wearing a sequined tube top, sequined mini skirt, insane platform heels, DANCING) “with” her dog. Except her dog isn’t on a leash AT ALL. And it’s a Yorkshire Terrier. He goes up into our yards, onto our front porch, and then slipped under our neighbors’ fence into…

I seem to have a strange attraction for raccoons. Downthread I discuss the recent raccoon infestation in my attic, but several years ago, I opened our rolling trash cart to toss a bag into it and damned near had a heart attack because there was a hissing adolescent raccoon in it (with the lid completely closed). I put…

The law in our state requires that they be relocated - if you’re going to kick them out (an action to which I have NO objections because it’s creepy as fuck to hear squealing baby raccoons in the attic while in the upstairs bathroom), you have to take them on a 10-mile ride THEN let them find somewhere to live. The…

I basically like my pets more than I like 99.999999% of humans, so I’m with you on all of the above (except you can keep the bunnies; they completely freak me out because i’m apparently certifiably insane.) Hugs back to you.

I lost my Golden and my cat in the last year. It totally sucks. My other two cats have been looking for Oswald for six months now. They all used to sleep in a big pile on the chair - now the chair is half empty. My daughter is home with her cat for 3 months because she’s having a big surgery on her ankle and my cats…

I just paid $400 to get a family of those little fuckers out of my attic. The pest control guy set a trap on the roof because the only other way to access the attic (beyond the HOLE they had chewed through the eaves of my house, goddammit) was the attic crawl space, where you slide a piece of plywood aside and climb a…

Parents do some crazy shit for their spawn. When I was in high school, we were outside around the backyard pool. I was dozing in the sun, and woke up to my mom yelling and realized my sister (10 years younger than me) was basically drowning: face in the water, four feet from the edge, arms feebly paddling. I was…

I have a miniature poodle who is just an asshole with other dogs since my Golden died a year ago. We don’t go to dog parks, etc., and you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get people to listen when we’re out on a walk, or at the pet store and ask if they can pet him (or don’t pay attention when I move my dog away…