Report: Sources say this story will never, ever fucking die.

Tom Brady’s suspension will be upheld or increased to 5 games. Therefore insuring that no one will ever stop talking about the NFL, ever.

Your*

No! I almost just got an anxiety attack just thinking about this...

The Las Vegas Bucks certainly has a nice ring to it.

It’s “The Thing.” And it’s already here!

The Black Mamba and the White Mamba together at last!

:’(

So you’re saying there’s a chance!

Should’ve called Alex instead of JP.

This game was so intense! Why isn’t deadspin.com talking about it?! Why is CNN taking about those jail escapees still?! Why is grandma watching the Bachelorette instead of the world Cup?! God damn it, why doesn't anyone share my pain!

Thank you. I’ve seen way more shitty dogs than shitty cats. Most are pretty much amicable and want to be left alone. This is what makes them cats. You're pretty boring to them, but they still like you.

What about Swedish?

I heard it runs in the family.

Droid turbo user here. *sobs quietly*

Trade it for Rajondo!

What is CLA?

...I can think of at least 5 great punch lines for this, yet none seem worthy. That city is fucking cursed.

Pardon my ignorance (and mild cynicism), but what exactly does 4th degree tape entail? And perhaps more importantly, what would it entail if the victim were a female and the perp a male?

So he is now the greatest loser in NBA finals history in more ways than one. Got it.