Damn I missed my opportunity but here’s my best story:

For the longest time I thought that phrase referred to the habit the US had of making promises to American Indians and then reneging on them.

You can’t gouge out your mind’s eye.

Need a brain bleaching?

I am about 52% sure that Trump will suggest that they should give them small pox blankets. Then Sarah Huckabee Sanders will go on to explain how that was just a joke.

I’ve been pondering the word ‘contingent’ a lot lately. It’s a really curious word with interesting roots, and at least three overlapping but not identical denotations.

At least history shows that situations like this always work out well for the all the Native American tribes involved...

Is it so hard to believe that she may honestly believe those things? I mean, there are clearly stupid awful people in the world. Why can’t she be one of them?

This has shocked me, but I don’t hold it against Donald, he was a great lover and I think he’s a great president.”

I know far too much about Trump’s sex life. Far. Too. Much.

Our society in general is not equipped to deal with people and institutions that do not deserve a presumption of good faith and honesty. There’s no way to effectively communicate that reality and the media in particular is designed to discuss disputed facts as a “he said, she said” dichotomy. Even when there is…

One of the few silver linings of the Trump era is that the media is finally using the L-word. It used to be that their faux-impartiality would require them to use euphemisms, but now they are straight up saying, “but as we all know, Trump regularly lies.”

(Missed this one too.)
PROM NIGHT!

Somehow I missed the call the first time it came around.

Ah damn, I missed this one.

Does driving recklessly count as doing something I shouldn’t?

Tl;dr version: I was being stupid.

I’m still sort of holding out hope for a “Day Without Trump” from either CNN or MSNBC being tried out as an experiment to see if *45 loses his shit at not being mentioned. Just refer to everyone only by their job title and show nothing but stock footage of the buildings in which they work.

I was in high school (like 90% of these stories I think) and had recently broken up with my girlfriend. There was some other girl who was always hanging around, and she mentioned she wanted to go skiing at a mountain about 130 miles away (there was another mountain only 16 miles from my front door to which I had a…