i like “MessagEase”. never tried it, but i love the name. it sounds like an Italian guy trying to say “messages”.

“wat da fuck, dude.”

yeah man. one time i put a GTAV disc into a toaster. you know, for shits and giggles. the toaster literally exploded into a million pieces.

watch. the world is going to end 11 days. and as the comet touches down to Earth, in your final seconds, you’re going to be cursing NOOOOOO!!!!! GTA V!!!!!!!!!!!!

first of all, the alien tech in the Avengers movie is Chitaurian, not Asgardian. not to be a pedantic douche, but i am a comic book nerd. and as one, it is my duty to correct you. it is also why i’ve been letting spiders bite me my whole life, hoping one of them will be radioactive.

you don’t want super intelligence. unless you’re willing to surrender all emotion. else, it’ll be the most depressing feeling ever.

“complete first season”. what’s that, like 15 tapes?

but for real though, shout out to all the guys who've lost a girl to an intimidating black dude.

what if you get kicked in the nuts?

the first step to escaping the Matrix is accepting that everyone else is still in the Matrix. actually, that’s like step 3. step 1 would be like... i don’t know... going to techno goth clubs?

EXACTLY. amazon (at least for now) won’t be able to compete price-wise with your local convenient store, let alone Costco (where most people seem to buy this kind of stuff). their business model just doesn’t support it. that’s why they HAVE TO make the experience extremely “easy”. so that you can justify paying that…

why do something almost instantly, when i can do it instantly?

well, the problem assumes that you don’t have the intelligence to make decisions for yourself. and if that’s case, why are you reading this? you have shit to buy.

they have safegaurds against this.

i’ve always wondered how much amazon spends on delivery. they probably cover so much area and spend so much on delivery that they would eventually reach a point where additional deliveries are negligible. i.e. if you order something for the first time, delivering to you isn’t a cost factor because i was already…

these are brilliant. the quick stop “oh shit, i’m out of XYZ, let me order it on amazon right NOW!” has been something they’ve been trying to perfect for some time now.

sure. to you, taking your phone out of your pocket, launching the amazon app, entering your credentials, typing in your search, clicking the product, then clicking “buy” isn’t that much harder. it takes like 10 seconds. but if someone other than amazon came out with a method that took 5 seconds, consumers would go for…

March 30th maybe. but not April 2nd. these days there’s a new trend to lay down your troll early, and reveal the truth on April 1.

wait, what?! i used to put my face on those! GRANDMA!