2009: "I'm so lonely."

The IOC computers went on the fritz and they had to call for tech support.

Due to the bullying the boy went to the corner 7-Eleven, mixed all the flavors and committed a Suicide.

No shit, Mike. Tebow wouldn't know what a spiral was even if it hit him right in the fucking head.

Kellen's penis has since apologized for its comment of, "I'm a one-eyed warrior!" In its apology, his penis went on to say, "I got caught up in the moment. The real warriors are in Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm just a penis, nothing more."

Winslow kept his left hand on a football at first, so it'd feel like a stranger took over when he switched hands.

That's okay. If the Seahawks don't win, he can just send the tattoo to a child in Africa.

Notre Dame aren't quite French, Anthony, but it's an easy mistake to make considering how quickly they capitulated during this game.

Suspension or no suspension, he doesn't seem to be missing any plate appearances.