I hope this ages better than the “Kevin Durant, You Have Two Calves For a Reason, You Coward” post.

The third greatest threat is your unnecessary signature on every post.

“That is not a UFO.” ≠ “Aliens don’t exist.” 

Look at it! $2500!

Those clowns hired the wrong guy for the job. Everybody knows who the best designated hitter is.

There is a soft wear update coming for that.

Rooshan State Depyartment of Truths also making correction to movie of Yeltsin John by excise all scene of hyappiness ant joys, so feelm no longer has musics and ees now only farty fife meenits lonk, safing pipple of great nation of Roosha much time for fighting off voolf and bear on lonk and colt walk back to home of …

You messing with us Rob? This rolling catnip even has tartan seats.

I cannot explain why I feel this way, but Storm Duck is the most awesome fucking name in this region.

Color me cynical. This is going to be a complete dud, and the biggest disappointment felt by a liberal since my wife first saw me naked.

No.

Splinter is starting to read like the diary of an angry ex-girlfriend. 

I spend my days writing about Roombas from the 1950s, teen hackers from the 1980s, and movies that American presidents watched while in office.

Let he Pittsburgh fan who is without a DUI cast the first Keystone

The student was later charged with disruption of a school facility

“If living in the United States is “so bad,” why not go to another place to live? Ana Alvarez who was substituting at the school, asked the student.”

Yup. I’ve only watched the first episode so far, but my first thought watching the police search was “that’s entirely too much effort to save this man’s penis.”

Once you realize there's no such thing as a trustworthy news source, life gets a bit more stress free.