One does not “void” the bladder... One “voids” one’s bowels. Also, go #1 is WAY too high on that list.. It should be a fineable offense for anyone over the age of 4 to utter.

What are these alternatives you speak of?

I have killed many more bees than bees have killed me. Score me ?! Bees 0. Me > Bees

The hot take on bees is spot-on. Fuck bees. Also, the existence of bees has rendered me unable to take my eyes off of a beverage whilst outdoors. I know that little fucker is gonna get in there and sting the shit outta my lip when I just wanna sip of a nice cold beer. That’s the only valid reason to drink High Life…

I’m pretty sure that’s Danny Devito

The ball was coming out before he got his second foot down. Unbelievably bad call

Barber: What’ll it be today?

Fuck the Cowboys. Fuck the Packers. Double-fuck Dez Bryant.

$7?! That’s what a 12-pack costs around these parts

Amber Rose appears to be a Rhino with her horn poached. I’m not listening to a rhino when it comes to my dental hygiene since rhinos don’t even have front teeth.

Fucking Pineapple?! Just, why? The hot-dog pizza was not given a fair shake. Filed under PONCE ORDERS PINEAPPLE PIZZA

Wiseau approves...

Not fair. Colon's noggin is about 50x the allowable MLB barrel diameter. His batting helmet could double as the punch bowl at a high school prom