Don’t worry, there is no meant to be - the universe is utterly indifferent.

Oh I love choose your own adventure stories! *turns to page 48* "you were hit by a car driven by Harambe!"...well damn.

Ha. No way. He’ll probably end up on the Red Sox and make me very, very mad for half a season.

Wait. Is this story heartwarming or heartbreaking?

Wait. Is this story heartwarming or heartbreaking? On the one hand, it seems very sweet of the police to cook for these two and offer them a bit of company. On the other, I cannot get my own Italian grandparents (Nonno and Nonna) out of my head. They are alone in their house and I have never cooked THEM pasta! Nonna…

I assume he plays McConaughey’s character?

Either that or...the Christian version of Million Dollar Arm and Jon Hamm will still be a douche.

And win a playoff game against the mighty Steelers. I think people forget that if Manning wasn’t available, Tebow would have gotten a full training camp as the starting QB.

Say what you want about Tebow: he’s sincere. I think he’s also dumb as a post and delusional about being one of God’s Chosen (tm), but he’s sincere.

Not sure the CFL is interested...

Oh, that is nice. Needs more stars.

His high school coach, “Boo” Mullins, said Tebow was the total package, and more.

Remember when his “character” made him awesome at professional football?

I actually like Tebow more than a lot of others and think he gets some unfair raps at times, but he deserves everything he gets for this. What is he thinking? Either go to the CFL to show the doubters wrong regarding your QB skills, or get on with the rest of your life.

but his character made him that six-tool guy

Which Denver will win because they still have a monster defense and people will argue that Tim Tebow isn't a failure because he wins games.

Is this some kind of viral marketing campaign for an “Angels In The Outfield” remake?

It really is Cam Newton’s fault.

Zachary D. Manprin: Cardinal Fan or Schiano Man?

Dear Lilly King;