Not gonna lie. I've been saving this puppy for a Jalopnik Storm Area 51 post. My time has finally come. 

Nobody cares that you’re scared of girls.

BMW’s X models are this generation’s version of the classic Volvo wagon. When you have kids, they’re actually a pretty great compromise between fun to drive, comfortable, and child friendly.

Well, not being a dad yet means I still get to be the funcle. But my most ‘Dad’ car would be the 5sd 6 wagon, of course, with the Matrix XRS a close second (the van is out tenants, so it doesn’t count).

now i want someone with more talent than me to photoshop a picture of AF One wearing a giant red tie flapping in the breeze

Somebody in Philadelphia has a problem with the color orange? I know a guy.

the New York Yankees are a wicked, awful baseball team

One could say that it is idiotic to buy such a long car with truck engine that only seats two.

Buy a 4GC.

OW ME BACK

Maybe she should have won as a result of getting significantly more votes. 

The second wife 

Both are awesome :o)

The Blues.

yeah, no, you’re wrong. If you think the parent of that kid doesn’t know what a terror the child is being, then your head is crammed so far up your ass you can floss with your chest hair. 

It’s always interesting when folks who have never owned a BMW talk about maintenence costs. Yes, there are a few models that are absolute money pits, but this is common knowledge amongst the BMW community and most people stay away from them. Find a trustworthy mechanic or learn how to wrench (I chose the latter) and…

First of all, this is not my client. This column is for readers to submit their situations to a WCSYB form and we pick topics (see link at the end of the article). There is a question on the form that says “Tell us about your situation” it is purely open-ended. We just copy paste that text into the quoted post. She…

There are 27 variants of 911.

Counterpoint: We’re talking about the Stanley Cup Playoffs, so it has nothing to do with Canada anyway.