Better idea: Tim and Joe go on a fishing vacay in Wyoming. They can do anything they want because their host Dick is a big wheel in those parts. But — oh no! — he’s dead! Tune in for Weekend at Limp Dick’s.

Cheney will have died of an aneurism by then (I hope).

Don’t the American people deserve a better explanation [for the run-of-the-mill private server whose reason for being is no longer up for update]?

It’ll be half-hour segments of Grandpa Joe smoking ditch weed while rocking aviators in a camaro. Uncle Tim will continually remind him to wear his seatbelt while breaking into intermittent harmonica solos. They’ll occasionally prank call Boehner and make friendship bracelets for Obama.

It’s just given us this wonderful exchange, though:

Yeah, but they killed all the bees in South Carolina. Now the California Bees must rise up and sweep across the continent destroying all hairless apes in their path.

We know what horror followed.

Look, guys, if you want retribution, I get it, but California did nothing wrong!

Long hair? What? Why?

It would make me really happy if, alongside these many high-minded adaptations, they also screen 10 Things I Hate About You and She’s The Man.

“We’re the party of Lincoln! You remember him! He fought a whole big war to free the slaves! So, basically, ignore the last 50 years of actual policy and remember the guy from 150 years ago. Clearly, we care more about civil rights than those dirty Democrats.”

I love that this is the Republican narrative. It’s like…

Well, as long as they don’t stumble upon his drunk body and decide to take advantage of his inability to fight back by sticking their hands inside him, they’ll still have the moral authority in the situation.

Not “had sex with an unconscious woman behind a dumpster”, he “RAPED an unconscious woman behind a dumpster”.

Well, I can’t approve of this sort of thing.

Sob. Now Brock will never eat steak again!

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