• When she picked you up as a kid, these boys wanted to eat you. They ain’t never tasted Terran before. She saved your life!

“This is a woman who has escaped prosecution more times than El Chapo!”

Shark Week made me hyper aware of other sharks, and I find myself constantly comparing myself to them. As a result, I just swim and swim all day long to keep fit. I feel like if I stop swimming I’ll die.

As long as she’s not throwing up to maintain her girlish shark figure.

(horny=randy)

And remember Teresa loved the suffering of those she was supposedly caring for.

the rewrite is wrong on every level and i adore it

“Because she has probably been aborted,” said Mother Teresa.

It is literally impossible to love her too much.

one of my friends went to a wedding and he was there as a guest and I was like “STEAL HIM FOR ME NOW”

I remember before they married, I saw him in an interview and thought he is the perfect husband (of like celebrity actors) college educated-good school, cute but not pretty, down to earth, funny, cute dog...sigh. I’m sorry he never got to meet me and had to go with Emily as his second choice.

I was all excited about Halpert Arms, but the abs pic? My brain melted.

The beard stays.

Please tell me that he knows how to talk dirty and then I can die knowing that there is a perfect man in the world. Only when he shaves off the beard though.

He once picked up a stray kitten and cuddled it...TO DEATH.

In my mind it was Halpert that was tricked into doing 13 Hours because he thought it was another Threat Level Midnight.

Is it in poor taste to joke about kidnapping Emily Blunt and stealing her identity? Alternatively we could just periodically trade husbands. I'm sure mine wouldn't mind.

Nobody say anything bad about him and ruin it for me

i almost cried just thinking about how true this is