You're so transparent, man. Let's just call him what he is, a glass tiger.

And my bow.

That was a surprise great movie. I loved it.

Are you a caveperson?

CIA: We know. We tried that first.

You also have Kegel exercises.

[Spike Lee angrily tweets Twizzler's corporate address]

My birth year was 1977. "Parachute pants" and lots of cholesterol related stuff.

[actuary gives report to CEO]
Okay, let's kick 'em off.

Left Behind 4: Only Nazis

Royal Crown Cola, fucker!
[swings, misses, and falls down]

Birthday party for a friend's 3 year old, went to visit our pigs (county fair in 4 weeks), responded to a motorcycle accident (initial location was incorrect, which resulted in 3 fire apparatus and two law enforcement doing a U-turn on the highway - dude was fine, which is unusual for a motorcycle accident), and…

[coughs nervously] No, no…I mean…who's Ricky Gervais?

Atheist organist: "So did your sermon."

[modulates tachyon pulse]
Is that any better?

WOLF EYES

[Gjetostbuster tells Gjetostbusty that he thinks the Borg Queen is hot]
"Of course you would."

Bring back the Bellamy salute!

I don't like explaining jokes, so I won't.

Was poop one of the funniest words identified in that article a couple of weeks ago? If not, it should have been. I'm 40 and have a hard time saying poop. I'm laughing right now.