Sean Spicer: I'd like to introduce President Trump's new legal counsel, Solomon Grundy.

[Spike Lee angrily tweets Kirsten Dunst's address]

She's also 50 years old.

I had a pretty long streak of having crushes on girls who turned out to be lesbians. It was always a little comforting to know after discovery that I really had no chance to begin with.

[Geraldo receives Google Alert for "vault" reference]

For the record, I did not go full Pee Wee.

[Hangs head]
I watched it in the theater by myself.

I got a Family Ties notification for this?

I don't like the term flat circle. It's a two dimensional figure. Of course it's flat.

Went canoeing, drank too much, and capsized 5 minutes from the landing. Nice work.

Like Dewey, Cheetham, and Howe?

And permitted - annual polka license is $75/year.

You can say whatever you want about Jack Black, but you leave polka out of this. Polka music and polka dancing are awesome.

A Wilson Philips pun thread? Release Me from the agony.

Give me Haim on 5, hold the mayo.

I think of the Broadcast Energy Transmitter from the G.I. Joe cartoon when I see B.E.T.

We'll be eating insects consistently within 10 years. I like beef, but it's really resource intensive.

I'll try to speak more clearly.
Unlike the popular phrase "bell the cat", "bell the flying goat" isn't commonly used.

That pun is a safe Bette.

She's 34; I'm 40. Does that mean you don't have to try not to sexualize me too?