I blame the Stonecutters.

This kind of story is Constantinely in the news.

IRON EAGLE

Uh, possibly go wrong. That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.

"Gozer the Gozerian".

I had St. Louis pizza this past spring. Provel is gross.

Malnati's (Chicago) is my favorite.

Every election is determined by the people who show up.

To make election day articles even more fun, substitute the letter 'l' for an 'r'.

Al Bundy, star running back at Polk High, doesn't need any help sports tutoring his son. He scored 4 touchdowns in one game.

Wife: Kids, where's your Father?
Daughter: He's upstairs masturbating to gay porn.
Wife: Again?

De Niro dropped out to replace Stallone in the next Rambo movie.

Whatever dislikes we may have about soap operas, making an 1-hour episode for every weekday is impressive work.

In the ~Midwest system, coal is currently producing 54.6% of all electricity.

Twisted and twitching.

That could be a great pick-up line.

Maybe a World Series championship will wash away the memories from the Republican convention.

You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?

You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.

I'm turning 40 in January; I will not be taking ballet lessons. Cooking lessons? Maybe.