Somewhere someone recommended to me both the NARS lip pencil in Cruella and the Sephora-brand cream lipstain in Always Red, and daaaaaaaamn! Y’all were right — those were the shades of red I was looking for. The pencil doesn’t have the staying power that the stain does, but that’s okay. And damn, that lipstain held up…

Lizzie McGuire got me through middle and high school, no joke. All hail.

Why does JLaw need defending? She strikes me as the type who’s happy to speak up for herself if she feels she’s been slighted.

Anne Hathaway: “Not sure why you’re all hating on JLaw. Remember me? I’m waaaaaaay more annoying.”

Nicki minaj: good

Nothing Matt Damon has done this year lends itself to easy punchlines.

We can be penguins,

Ugggghhhhh, who needs all this caffeinated shit anyways?

Great, another thing to watch out for and avoid in food.

Are there teens of a type other than drunk?

I’ve been waiting all week to talk to you guys. I need you. Over holiday break I got super sick, followed by lithium poisoning, and it was a solid week in bed feeling like I was dying and dealing with crippling depression. My husband, who I’ve mentioned before plays WOW like it’s his job, couldn’t take care of me and…

We bought one. If we win, I’m moving someplace warm.

You had me at sweet potato fries.

“You said no one would want to film me without Fraiser there!!!”

Jezebel! You of all people should not be promoting the concept of hysteria in a complex diagnosis like Lyme disease. If only you knew how dangerous this was. This is coming from someone who was told I was ‘faking it’ before a CIDP diagnosis. COME ON!

Oh, the good old days when Lagerfeld was fat and only 99% insufferable instead of thin and 100% insufferable.

Hey, Crystal. Lingerie stores do free bra fittings so you can make sure the band is large enough. You should check that out.

He is the fucking worst