Unless you feel like being this squirrel’s secret nut stash, forget about him.

I like this idea, but those contracts would have to be soooo carefully worded to protect both parties. Marriage usually entails a combining of assets to a certain degree, and I strikes me as more fraught to have an uncoupling of lives marked by just a contract expiring than the extensive legal hurdles you have to jump…

“Jesus overslept” John 11:35

In a just world...

100% it’s cause Don Jr wants to shoot them and Daddy is obliging.

You know, I totally believed the headline until I clicked through.

It’s a circus masquerading as a zoo likely due to the public’s negative association with circuses. They have traditional carnival games and also allow rides on their elephants and camels, which is something I’ve never heard of a zoo doing. Furthermore, they “rent out” their animals for events, such as a giraffe for a…

Can I just say, that knowing there’s an elephant out there name Karen just tickled my cold, dead heart.

That’s satire.... right?

Holy shit did Helen Hunt piss off her hair stylist in the original or something?

I personally think this one is even better. I just hope that’s still a mullet he’s sporting.

You should, if nothing else to see what the fuss is about and participate in the zeitgeist.

*clutches Titanic double VHS* Then it was never meant for you anyway.

NO HISTORICAL MOVIES FOR THIS KID

Geology??? I’m sure she meant this shit:

I like the hair color she’s rocking except it makes her look so. orange.

That’s why the vet does it for us D:

Two great tastes that taste great together!

Sharktopussy. It strikes fear into the heart.

We get our cat’s claws trimmed at the vet every 6-8 weeks.