Look, if you’re jokingly (?) saying you’d rather be decapitated than smell and/or lick the pussy of a woman who is as drunk as you, you might be a bad lover.

It’s a circus masquerading as a zoo likely due to the public’s negative association with circuses. They have traditional carnival games and also allow rides on their elephants and camels, which is something I’ve never heard of a zoo doing. Furthermore, they “rent out” their animals for events, such as a giraffe for a…

Can I just say, that knowing there’s an elephant out there name Karen just tickled my cold, dead heart.

You seem like an EXCELLENT lover. God forbid there be smells during sex.

Are you new here?

That’s satire.... right?

Holy shit did Helen Hunt piss off her hair stylist in the original or something?

I personally think this one is even better. I just hope that’s still a mullet he’s sporting.

You should, if nothing else to see what the fuss is about and participate in the zeitgeist.

*clutches Titanic double VHS* Then it was never meant for you anyway.

NO HISTORICAL MOVIES FOR THIS KID

Geology??? I’m sure she meant this shit:

I like the hair color she’s rocking except it makes her look so. orange.

You have some strange and twisted ideas of veganism. The height of elitism is not avoiding a food that others in developing countries would like to eat, but eating so much of that food that you inflict diseases on yourself.

That’s why the vet does it for us D:

Two great tastes that taste great together!

Sharktopussy. It strikes fear into the heart.

We get our cat’s claws trimmed at the vet every 6-8 weeks.

HAPPY MONDAY TO YOU TOO

Does this mean that to avoid unwanted advances I just have to go into cardiac arrest and he’ll leave me alone? Why didn’t anyone think of this before?