This has got to be the same guy who eats his own cum.

This is very good advice. I met some buddies in south beach on our way to a gentlemen's fishing excursion in Islamorada and yadda yadda yadda I was doing lines off a Colombian stripper's ass.

Also, the preseason is shit, but there are only 2 more weekends without football of some sort left; college season is 6 weeks out.

I didn't know there was a low sodium option and am headed to Costco this morning. Thanks for the tip!

This sounds delightful and a good excuse to use the box of arborio rice that I invested in 5 years ago.

I want to make a wounded warrior foundation joke involving Marky Mark, but I respect my parents too much.

No it's pretty effing cool actually.

BENGHAZI!!!1&!!$!

I reject your premise that most pasta salads have mayo in them because pretty much every one I've had has been vinaigrette based. That said, my favorite seasoning is the little packet in the classic suddenly salad box, so I've taken to buying the box, tossing the pasta and replacing it with some high quality rotini…

With you on the frequency of posts. Sometimes he's too lazy to do one at all. I think in the past he's recommended The Professional Chef, which I immediately ordered and love. I feel like he suggested Heat, but I could have made that up. (Been meaning to read that.) He also is very knowledgeable on the best coloring…

Good question. I'd say right below being forced to lick the grape jelly out of a large man's anus.

What reducer said. Also, artichoke hearts. That's a fair point, however, as macaroni is in fact a type of pasta you sly dog. In that spirit, I will henceforth refer to salsa as fruit salad. Which may need to replace pasta as #1.

Definitive salad rankings:

"Yeah, shadows are sneaky. And they go away at nighttime."

Um, holy shit. That sounds like pederast fan fiction.

Fucking Canadians. What a stupid question.

...you can get Dulce de Leche in Brazil. It's like crack in Camden.

I think it's different for everyone, but I love the fact that you can return anything, at any time, for any reason. I bought a vitamix (for $45 off retail) for this exact reason. Ditto on my memory foam mattress. And I buy 8 lb bags of frozen strawberries for $9, 1/2 gallons of Fage for $6, and 2 lb bags of chia seeds…