Good question. I'd say right below being forced to lick the grape jelly out of a large man's anus.

What reducer said. Also, artichoke hearts. That's a fair point, however, as macaroni is in fact a type of pasta you sly dog. In that spirit, I will henceforth refer to salsa as fruit salad. Which may need to replace pasta as #1.

Definitive salad rankings:

"Yeah, shadows are sneaky. And they go away at nighttime."

Um, holy shit. That sounds like pederast fan fiction.

Fucking Canadians. What a stupid question.

...you can get Dulce de Leche in Brazil. It's like crack in Camden.

I think it's different for everyone, but I love the fact that you can return anything, at any time, for any reason. I bought a vitamix (for $45 off retail) for this exact reason. Ditto on my memory foam mattress. And I buy 8 lb bags of frozen strawberries for $9, 1/2 gallons of Fage for $6, and 2 lb bags of chia seeds…

My understanding is that they require a membership because a) they give out free samples b) the aisles are congested enough and c) if you're not a member, why let the fucksticks who are willing to try load up a cart and make extra work for the associates when they are denied at checkout? Not super complicated, really.…

Try living in Tennessee. You have to go to a liquor store to buy wine (though they did just pass a law allowing every county to have a referendum on grocery store wine sales if you get 20000 signatures on a petition) and said stores are closed on Sundays and you can't buy beer or any alcohol at restaurants before noon…

God I miss King of the Hill.

To be fair, I bought a groupon for a fitness class in February and have been a full paying member since. (If you're in Nashville, LibFit on Charlotte is fun but brutal and has shaved 4% body fat for me.) I'm also a costco member but didn't even know they offer oil changes. What do they charge where you are? (I know I…

Yeah, I'm waiting for Clay Travis to post a picture of his wet panties over this.

Also CWS!

Lagunitas is some solid stuff - I love Lil Sumpin but that is as hoppy as I can go. There is a brewery here called Yazoo that provides beer for a weekly music show in the park, and one week the only beer they offered was called the hop project. It must been like 1000 IBU and I just don't get it. I'm probably averse to…

Can somebody explain to me the popularity of IPA? The fact that the only reason it was invented was to ensure it made it from England to India unspoiled should be deterrent enough, but I'm so sick of trying out new beers only to find that the brewery used more hops than Michael Jordan to make it.

Wait, is Good Eats back on? Or is it just another thing on YouTube to go with the racist comments and oil change how-tos?

My understanding was that one of the pitot tubes froze over, which resulted in the pilots getting incorrect air speed readings. Is that the hardware update you referred to?

Clay Travis is a fucking moron whose writing is redundant and simplistic. I don't know if, in his current arrangement with Fox Sports, he even answers to an editor. (He claims not to.)

glad somebody got the joke.