First Lady is a bullshit non-job

Look, obviously I want to learn the identity of the A-list celebrity pedophile before anyone else. Indeed, this is basically my right as a voracious online tabloid reader.

Before you were born an ugly, warted old woman sat by the side of the road and asked for help changing a tire. Your parents stopped and changed it for the old woman, kindly. Then, before their very eyes-the old woman began to transform into the most beautiful fairy princess they had ever seen!

“Say my name.”