It’s possible he’s confusing the Olympics with the Lumberjack Games, and since the wall will be made of slats...

What sport would Dhalsim (the stretchy arms guy from Street Fighter) excel most at?

Yeah. Or yellow Gonk with wheels.

Charles Bronson? Only if he had a death wish.

I’m pretty sure that $5B number comes from this Dec 12th Department of Homeland Security press release, which says that “$5B in FY 2019" will be used “to construct 215 miles of Border Patrol’s highest priority border wall miles.” That’s $23.25 million per mile. The full border with Mexico is about 2,000 miles. That…

Don’t tell me John Elway isn’t the biological father of at least two of those girls.

Wait. He wants to investigate whether people are getting their information from a source with a “built-in bias”?? Let me present you with exhibit A:

Meanwhile, those are actual cosmonauts doing a spacewalk outside an actual space station that have been relegated to a tiny corner screen in order to focus the fake dancing robot. Priorities!

Cuttlefish 2.0

I love the houses around these places where they have separate doors for the regular cars and the golf carts.

I have a question.

Cool! Now do Marthas.

His body is the purest marshmallow. 

Is bush league psych out stuff. Laughable, man. 

I expected it to talk in Kevin Spacey’s voice.

Mission Impossible is making better James Bond movies than James Bond is these days. 

According to prosecutors, Bobbitt was genuinely homeless and he’s a veteran of the military.