Mazda? I expected him to be more of a Taurus animal.

Also, the traffic lights are hovering in midair.

What’s the deal with the James Bond movies on Netflix? They come and go so frequently. 

Bono: “Let’s see, now that I’m the face of a major sports organization, what statement should I make. How about ‘Fuck you, Nike?’”

Jesus Christ. Address these and other medical questions to your doctor or pharmacist - not an internet comments section.

This is how I know socialism will never catch on in the United States.

So the moral is #BelieveWomen. Unless they’re crazy liars, then don’t believe them. 

According to Omarosa’s book, if advisors want Trump to understand anything, they have to make these giant, colorful charts that spell it out in the simplest detail.

There’s another song about worshiping Charles Nelson Reilly?? I was only aware of Weird Al’s.

Carbon freezing for power naps.

You mean brown Jamie Lee Curtis?

I think it’s Andy Kaufman.

An additional feature of the e-brake is that it can only be released when the car is on, which makes it an anti-theft device, as well as ensuring a kid playing around in a parked car can’t release it and cause the car to start rolling accidentally.

Leave any animals you encounter the heck alone.

Yeah, there was the Chevrolet Spark EV before this, but with a range of only 82 miles it was too limited to be your only car

We are ALL in the Fucktomb now. The Fucktomb is us.

Obligatory: “Yo dawg, I hear you like vacuums...”

Obligatory: “Yo dawg, I hear you like vacuums...”

This erraticism and emotionality are exactly why women aren’t cut out to be CEOs.

Nobody understands why Elon Musk is still tweeting.