Just remember kids, a three time married, serial cheating asshole is more holy then a church going Catholic as long as he plays lip service to your want for draconian laws to regulate women’s bodies.

customers stuck in the store because they didn’t want to be seen leaving Fantasy Island,

The Cult is fucking great, and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise.

In my head I picture the crematorium worker just listening to music and missing the whole fiasco. I’ve decided that employee was listening to -

Wait...did you just leave a hipster coffee shop?

I had my priceless Picasso painting stolen from me! I will provide no evidence it was stolen or that I even ever had it. But anyone who questions me about this clearly took part in the theft!

CHAZZMATAZZ!

“It started at the top of an escalator and ended behind a dildo shop”

This is an appropriately Spinal Tap-esque close to a pathetic administration. “The sign was supposed to read ‘Trump Legal Team Press Conference AND Puppet Show!’” I wonder if Giuliani got lost in the building trying desperately to find the parking lot?

Lindsay Graham already started a couple days ago. Hypocritical dumbass. 

There is literal cheering in the streets of my Chicago neighborhood.

Thank god, but no thanks to you and some of the other writers here who repeatedly damned Biden with faint praise. Oh, and thank those of us who put aside our personal feelings when our candidate (Warren, in my case) lost in the primaries and enthusiastically got behind Biden.  

“For nearly three years we have been building a juggernaut campaign (Death Star). It is firing on all cylinders. Data, Digital, TV, Political, Surrogates, Coalitions, etc.”

It’s really great that mainstream media has realized they can just cut away or not show the footage when Trump is lying. It only took them 5 years.

Wow look at that arm move! She may be an evangelical but it looks like she got the handy skills of a catholic school girl

Borders?  That was either a photo from 2006 or 2007, or there is at least one Borders left, and it’s in Kazakhstan.  I prefer to believe the latter.

So, does Nick Cave just not rock any more? 

Tinfoil hat on: Trump created an artificial split between those who feared COVID and his own followers who didn't so that the immediately-counted votes would turn out in his favor. Then he started building up doubts about mail-in voter fraud so he could dispute the avalanche of mail-in votes that would be submitted by…

Jeremy’s... iron.