That's what I was thinking—especially the life is sweet note! I hate the idea of getting something off a registry; it's so impersonal! I would love to receive home made gifts or old family recipes instead of some blender I can buy next paycheck.

Seriously. It's like everyone is getting paid off like a bookie. I'd love for people to spend time making a thoughtful gift. It shows they care.

If I got a basket of candy at my wedding I would be fucking psyched beyond belief. Shit yeah dude!! I LOVE candy!!! To hell with your Hamilton Beach food processor! I want fluffy whip that I can eat with a spoon all by myself while watching Twin Peaks!!!

Also, were they not registered? Because that's a great way to give people an option for a gift other than cash that they know you will absolutely like and use. And if you have any class (so never mind, they would have skipped that option) you add things at all price points, right? So if you can only spend $30 you can…

Weddings are to make money for your future..

We'll know that we've reached true equality when gays and lesbians feel free to approach their wedding with the same vulgar sense of entitlement and ingratitude that straight people have.

This is everything I never knew I wanted.

If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of thousands of Cher impersonators clicking away at their keyboards, scouring the internet for a Road-Warrior-meets-Vegas-showgirl's-headdress wig.

Let your doggies give you snuggles when you get home. And when they tell you that you look fabulous, believe them. :)

I was once with a guy whose penis was a little smaller than average (or, at least, smaller than other guys I'd been out with); it was so beautiful, though. We had great sex and I fell in love with him, so... nah, doesn't matter.

I like it when Jezebel does things like this! More 'let's get organized and do something' and less 'click on this because it makes you angry AARRRGGGH!!' Thank you; awesome post!

Hell I got married so I could register for one of those suckers. It was totally worth it! :)

is there a prenup?

If my life is ever in danger, I will now obviously start masturbating furiously.

This is really great advice because, you see, I was trying to decide between Obama and Romney in 2012, and I was having a lot of trouble. Things like supporting my rights/wanting to take away my rights, caring about poor people/laughing at poor people, not hating gay people/hating gay people, wanting better gun…

I held Nigella’s neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasise my point.

How is the atmosphere in England about this? I know he's a notable figure anyway, but I'm actually glad to see that HE was the one who felt called on his shit and had to respond with a public statement, instead of her.

I wonder how many of the necks of his high-powered male colleagues he has "held repeatedly while trying to emphasise [his] point"?