Huh. I had Adam Rippon pegged for the main character in an Olympic “Brokeback Mountain”.

Let’s retire Pittsburgh instead.

I was born the year Roberto Clemente died. I wonder if this is what that felt like.

You couldn't email this to the legal department?

“Run cautiously.”

Well this is tough to swallow.

I’m sorry. You’re right.

Wow, that second paragraph is a fucking mess.

This is how black football players want this game to be played. If you don't like it, play soccer.

And with the 2nd pick in the NFL Draft, the New York Jets select: Leonard Fournette the Horse.

[rim shot]

Patent this phrase and put it on a t-shirt! You will sell approximately one bazillion of them. Arizona’s “I ❤️ NY”.

Carson Palmer is so old he has become Dennis Quaid playing Carson Palmer.

Did you see that 30 for 30? Terry Francona was his manager that year, and says in the film that had Jordan kept playing, there was a good chance he'd have (legitimately!) made it to the big leagues. That's amazing.

First of all, it’s unprofessional to throw Pretty Bad under the bus like that. If he’s playing every position, how many points do you expect him to score? Sheesh!

The beard looks like a chinstrap for the hair.

I think he may have been referring to things like this. This is who she married. It's no surprise she's been making the decisions she's been making with THIS asshole in her ear every day. WARNING: It’s a tough read.

“Francis Scott Off-Key”

Who kicks on first down?