You must, both on and offline, indicate that you have a boyfriend, however, you may indicate that the relationship is "complicated/fucking weird."

I hate Lady Mary. She is horrible. Why does Julian Fellows like her so much???

Lady Mary needs to GTFO off my screen or I am not sure I can handle this season. Once again I ask, HOW CAN SHE BE THE CORNERSTONE CHARACTER? She's mean and awful and finicky and snotty and privileged and snotty and sanctimonious and dull and just fucking awful.

I'm in my forties and would really like to meet these mythical friendship nesters she speaks of. I work weird hours and don't have kids and my husband's a socially anxious hermit. Result: friendless.

Lady Mary desperately, desperately needs a sassy gay friend. That is all.

Pharaoh is the dog in the first two seasons. Isis shows up at the end of season 2 (1916). The latest season covered up to 1923. Isis could be as young as 7 years old. Since they insist on ruining the characters I'm most interested in, lately I've devoted myself to keeping up with the dogs.

I am like you. Here is one we can both remember:

We missed the very touching death of Isis I and the acquisition of Isis II.

I really hated Cousin Rose and all of her tedious nonsense. Season 4 was duller than my second husband.

This is probably not the case for everyone, but when I'm in panic mode I do NOT like people calming me down because in the moment it feels like the panic is not justified and in the moment that is offensive. I told my husband to put on the kettle and make some tea. I had to develop calm down techniques for myself that…

OLD LADIES STANDING UP

Mmm, yeah. My ex-husband wanted an "open relationship." Turned out he just wanted a hall pass to have sex with other women, and veto power over anyone I was attracted to that he found "too threatening." (Basically, he 'gave' me permission to have sex with people he knew I wouldn't be remotely interested in to begin…

Who wrote this contract? Christian Grey?

For all the people who bitch that we don't need to use gifs in the comments: shit like this is why. I can either use ALL the words or a face

You may not open the door to the room where I keep the taxidermied bodies of my previous partners

Yeezus, did they write this while attending the Christian Grey School of Contracts.