Uh, that Jameis clip is actually of Mike “Giraffe Neck” Glennon.

Chop tackle? I’m not even sure that’s a thing...

I’d have fucking doggy paddled the 200m to boot just to rub some salt on their precious minute.

+1 humblebrag

Too lazy to change his Facebook pic to the Spanish flag, I guess.

I was such a dunce when I was in my 20s. I was caught cheating with various girlfriends on numerous occasions and it never once occurred to me to offer up this mea culpa: “Yes, I did sleep with your roommate but I’m a better person now for it.”

The speed of personal reform after a crime never ceases to amaze. All good now!

Genocide seems counterproductive here, no?

Being 71, I’m wondering if he heard the starting gun.

I hope he used up the minute they couldn’t spare to the very last second.

There’s next to no chance someone making 30K could possibly scrape together 1500 on short notice without outside assistance, you know that, right?

“Is the coach a dick?”

Nashville is basically drowning in recent transplants. Valueless bros from Indiana or Illinois or Iowa or any other shitty “I” state. Man buns and tank tops and TOMS and backwards hats. Vapid, Coachella-reject girls that lap up Nashville’s new Instagram culture. OMG DID YOU KNOW THERES AN ATM FOR CUPCAKES?!?!

Seriously. Why are we even talking about this when we have to deal with a goddamn ice dragon?

I don’t get the fuss. Middle of the country’s been unenlightened for some time.

As editor in chief of Splinter, I must state that Splinter does not endorse Hamilton Nolan’s views about the eclipse. I do, however, support him emotionally.

“So much for free speech,” says a mediocre, uninspiring white guy who is totally not a racist.

This is a high-profile Texas football coach taking a public stand against racism. That’s a surprisingly woke statement even in 2017 (though yes, Sumlin is black, it took some guts to say it publicly, because racist boosters.)

Duh, daily caller, breitbart, daily storm